So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
it's great music for shaving your balls
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
