I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
she woke up with a sticky ear
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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