im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Randomize
