i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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