So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize