saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Randomize