Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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