I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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