remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize