I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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