There was a lot of him and a little penis
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
