Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Randomize
