Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
