i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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