i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize