dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Randomize
