My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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