Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize