Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Randomize