dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I love you.
Bad choice
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
