She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Mom said you looked used
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize