Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I wish I only lived at night.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
