so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
