Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
