Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
That accounts for only three of the penises
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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