we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
