you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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