And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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