Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
