Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize