so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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