apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
