Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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