Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
