Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
