By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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