Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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