I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
