Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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