he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
