Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
