I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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