Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
