so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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