we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
i think i have herpe
just one?
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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