I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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