So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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