Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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