White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
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