my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize
