I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Randomize