my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Randomize