Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
