WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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