i barfeds in our rink
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
