you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
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