So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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