The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize