you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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