i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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