My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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