I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Randomize
